Freaky Friday
by Ladya C. Maxine
Summary: It’s time. The day every Organization XIII member fears. It’s time…for Saix’s monthly rabies shots! COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Title: Freaky Friday

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: It's that time of the month. The day every Organization XIII member fears. It's time…for Saix's monthly rabies shot!

Warning(s): language and violence

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

A/N: I'm in a quirky mood. Why? I just watched "Dammit Saix" on YouTube and am still in hysterics. It has absolutely nothing to do with this fic, but that's just how my mind works.

* * *

**Freaky Friday**

_by Ladya C. Maxine_

* * *

Time wasn't of the essence in the World That Never Was. There wasn't even a sun to differentiate day from night, or any stars to study in hopes of working out some sort of pattern that one could convert into hours and minutes. Time only passed as quickly or as slowly as one _didn't_ want it to: it seemed to rush by when weary members wanted nothing more than to sleep, and it just crawled during meetings when weary members _really_ wanted to sleep. The other worlds weren't much bloody helpful either; each had its own time, and it wasn't rare to be in the Pride Lands on a Wednesday, take a two second trip through a Corridor of Darkness and end up in Halloween Town on a Saturday. 

Time, all in all, was non-existent, just like them. Still, there was need of some sort of regularity in the World That Never Was, and since there hadn't been any established rules when they first happened upon this abandoned world they'd done what they did best: make their own rules.

One of those rules was that there had to be a fixed time scheme. A few quick calculations, and some sloppy voting later, they'd decided on what was 'day' and what was 'night', when they'd eat and when they'd sleep and when they wouldn't do much of anything (a fair few did a lot of _nothing_ most of the time anyway), and so forth. There hadn't even been any time pieces in this world. Fortunately, an excursion to other worlds had conjured up enough clocks to supply the entire castle.

Unfortunately, another excursion had conjured up their 8th member, Axel.

When he wasn't setting things (and Nobodies) on fire, the redhead was either unscrewing doors and chandeliers, filling shampoo bottles with substances that had no place in the hygienic sector, trying to open up portals beneath unsuspecting team mates feet, or resetting every single clock in the place.

This, Vexen grudgingly figured as he got out of bed, was probably why his alarm hadn't gone off at 4 a.m., as he'd meant it to; meaning that the formula he'd been brewing in the laboratory must have been reduced to nothing but burnt powder at the bottom of the beaker by now; meaning that the experiment he'd been working on for the past month was ruined; meaning that the Castle That Never Was was going to have to put up with one pissed researcher for the next couple of days.

Pulling on his black coat and gloves, the Chilly Academic muttered fiercely, promising all kinds of unpleasant things in the redhead's future. Not today, but he'd be in charge of cooking dinner for the others tomorrow and he'd make sure to add a few extra ingredients to Axel's plate…

"No respect…" Vexen grumbled his favourite phrase. "No respect for his superior at all!"

His stomach growled, and since he could at least rely on his internal clock (which Axel had yet to discover a way to screw up; and knowing the redhead''s persistence, he would), Vexen decided to might as well venture upstairs for breakfast. It being this late meant that the rest were also up and eating. Vexen preferred to not have to deal with any of them until at least noon, but if he was going to have to clean up the mess in the laboratory he might as well eat now; it was going to take him a long time to get everything sorted out.

Worst of all, his complaints would fall on deaf ears. Yes, the Superior would give Axel a stern look and perhaps even a lecture, but if Vexen had the power to deal out punishment he'd send Axel to the farthest world he could find for at least…eternity!

"No respect," he repeated, picking up a pen and walking over to his calendar to mark the beginning of a Day That Isn't Really in the World That Never Was.

He was the only one with a calendar; because of his experiments time _was_ important to him; he had to keep track of how long certain funguses were supposed to ferment and when certain potions needed extra elements added to them.

Crossing out yesterday, the 12th, Vexen opened his door, ready to head out. He took a step outside, into the high hall, stopped, stepped back inside, and, taking a deep breath, glanced back at the calendar, finally realizing what he'd almost missed in his sour mood. Today was…

Now, ice was Vexen's element, so he was well used to the cold, but the chill that ran down his spine almost made his teeth chatter.

"Kingdom hearts save us…"

Ripping the calendar off the wall, he ran out, sprinting down the hall. If he had a heart it would have been hammering in his chest, but, real or not, the feeling of dread coursing through him was enough to fuel his fears and his legs.

* * *

Axel kept checking the clock (one of the few he'd left untouched, lest he brought down the wrath of everyone), tapping his spoon against his plate in anticipation. Roxas noticed his friend's twitchiness, and knowing the reason behind said twitchiness, rolled his eyes and went back to eating his pancakes. 

Around them everyone was still half-asleep, or, in Xigbar's case, sleepwalking/eating. No matter how early or how late they got up, it always took them a couple of hours to fully appreciate consciousness, and light. Only the Superior, sitting at the head of the table, was fully aware of his surroundings, but he too was silent, mulling over things that only the Superior would even care to mull over.

Axel squirmed in his seat.

Any moment now Vexen was going to stalk inside, and then the real fun would begin! The scientist would rail and cuss and demand respect, and no one would give a damn. Just watching the icy Nobody growing more and more frustrated by his lack of support was something Axel would wake up five hours earlier than usual just to witness.

"You shouldn't push him like that," Roxas muttered, having some difficulty with stabbing his pancake; his still bleary eyes made accuracy a tricky thing.

Axel was about to reply when the peace was broken by a chain of hilarity.

The kitchen door smashed open, hitting Xaldin, who'd gotten up for some more food, right in the face and sending his plate flying across the room, splattering its contents over five other diners before landing in Marluxia's oatmeal, splashing goopy brown sludge across the Graceful Assassin's chest and face and into Larxene and Luxord's plates as well. Xaldin stumbled further, almost knocking Zexion face first into his breakfast before grabbing Lexeaus' broad shoulder for support, causing the Silent Hero to spill his orange juice on the table.

Several curses and death threats were followed up by eleven pairs of eyes, ranging from amused (Axel), to perplexed (the Superior, Xigbar, Lexeaus, Luxord, Demyx and Roxas), to outraged (Xaldin, Marluxia, Larxene, Zexion), turned on the late comer.

"Dammit, Vexen! Why can't you transport safely like everyone else?!" Xaldin bellowed, trying to wring runny egg yolk out of his hair, dripping some on Lexeaus' coat, much the reticent man's obvious displeasure.

Vexen ignored him, panting as he grabbed hold of the back of Luxord's chair, trying to catch his breath. Axel was no longer the source of his distress.

"Today…13th…Problem…No time…Emergency…Danger…Pain…!"

"…What?" asked some.

"…Huh?" wondered a few others.

"I just washed this!" Marluxia seethed, holding up a limp, sticky strand of hair.

Instead of wasting more valuable air, Vexen just held up the calendar. Everyone stared at it, not quite understanding what was so dangerous about Friday the 13th, which had been marked with a thick red marker, with the words DON'T FORGET written in the little square.

"It's that time of the month!" Vexen gasped.

Everyone turned to Larxene, who bristled at the implication.

"Eeeew, gross!" Demyx moaned, pushing his half-eaten meal away. "Not at the table!"

"I am not seeing my period!" Larxene insisted, gripping her butter knife.

"You have been suspiciously less volatile lately…" Luxord reminded her.

"Unless…Dudette, you got yourself knocked up?!" Xigbar laughed.

"Shit man, you mean Marly's actually straight?" Axel groaned, digging into his pocket and pulling out the last few bills he had, tossing them to a smirking Luxord. "Nothing in this world makes sense anymore!"

"I _beg_ your pardon?" Marluxia hissed indignantly.

"And all this time you two had us thinking you were 'just conspiring buddies'. Talk about sneaky with a capital S!"

"I AM straight!"

"I am NOT pregnant! My period is due next week!"

"Eeeeeeeeeewwwww! Not at the table!"

"Silence!!" Vexen shouted, breaking up the squabble, his right eye twitching uncontrollably. Would it kill them, just once, to keep their attention on him for more than a minute?! "Not_ that_ time of the month, you ignorant baboons! The _other_ time of the month!"

Finally, the lights started to go on. In one case, they went out: Demyx fainted.

"…No way!" Axel shouted, jumping to his feet and grabbing the calendar from Vexen, flipping through the pages as if that would make the marked date disappear. "I just took out the stitches from last time! You must have marked it wrong!"

"Give me that!" Vexen sniffed, snatching back his trusty calendar. It was bad enough they didn't give his complex calculations much credit; thinking him unable to count the days was downright degrading. "I did no such thing."

"He's right," Zexion said, sitting back, for once not looking disinterested and aloof; he looked worried. "It has been a week since the last full moon…"

"Well," Xigbar said, still dripping with Xaldin's cereal, wiped his face and stood. "I'd better be off on my mission to Dragon land."

"I'm coming with you!" Xaldin said, not even bothering to make himself anything else to eat, or get all the egg shells out of his hair. "I…er…You'll need my wind-controlling abilities."

"And you'll need back-up," Axel said, dragging Roxas along with him.

"My roses need tending to," Marluxia said, wiping his mouth gracefully with a napkin, though his hands were shaking.

"My sitar needs tuning," Demyx said, awakening, a piece of bacon stuck to his cheek.

"This is a guy thing," was Larxene's reason for getting up.

"I need to buy a new pack of cards," Luxord reminded them.

"I cannot be kept away from a highly unstable formula I have brewing in the laboratory," Zexion remembered with much relief.

Lexeaus didn't even give an excuse; he just stood, planning to take his meal to his room and barricade himself inside with every piece of heavy furniture as he could find.

"Sit. Down."

Like wrongfully liberated prisoners being forced to return to the gallows, everyone slouched back to their seats, casting longing looks at the door.

Xemnas, who'd been watching the scene up until now in complete silence, sat back. His bright orange eyes stared at them all before ending up on Vexen, who'd also taken his seat. Every seat at the table was occupied except for one…

"So, it's time for Saix's monthly rabies shots, is it?" he asked in his usual calm voice, lacing his fingers together. "It surprises me that it managed to elude our memories."

"Extensive trauma will do that to people," Axel grumbled.

"You're not afraid of your own teammate, are you?" Xemnas smiled when all of them nodded without shame. "Come now. You are all gifted fighters, and most of you have great minds, not to mention that Saix, once he returns from Halloween Town, will be weary, at best: you shouldn't have any trouble containing him; all it will take is three shots in the shoulder."

"I'll give him a shot alright…" Xigbar grumbled, itching to get out his guns.

"And what about you, sir?" Marluxia sneered at their boss. "Wouldn't it be so much easier if you just _ordered_ that psycho to take his shots without fighting us?"

Xemnas smiled smugly, unashamedly abusing his power as their superior.

"Temper, XI; he _is_ your superior. And I could, but I have business to attend to in Hollow Bastion. I trust that it will be done by the time I return tonight; you don't want to risk another 'Incident', do you?"

The rest returned to glaring at Vexen, who looked away, mumbling under his breath.

Yes, so it hadn't been his greatest moment when, after the others had_ finally_ managed to wrestle VII to the ground, he'd dropped the vial of serum, spilling the last dosage they had. Things shouldn't have possibly gotten worse…but they had. While Vexen spent two days creating a new batch, Saix had run ripped apart half the castle, terrorized everyone except the Superior and done some…unthinkable things in Marluxia's garden, then beaten the Graceful Assassin with a shovel when XI, putting his plants before his safety, had run out to try and stop him.

"Good luck," Xemnas couldn't have kept the smirk off his face even if he'd wanted to.

And with those parting words the Superior just teleported out of the room, leaving eleven petrified faces behind. No one spoke at first, most of them thinking back on as many good times they'd had in their Nobody life as they could and wondering where Nobodies went once erased from this existence.

Finally coming to, Xigbar remembered that he was the second-in-command.

"Huddle!" he commanded and they all crowded around him like kids around the ice cream truck. "Okay, here's what we haven't tried yet…"

"Shouldn't we go for what worked last time?" Zexion asked.

"Yeah, because everything went _so_ smoothly last time!" Marluxia scoffed. "It was by pure dumb luck that Lexeaus slipped and fell of Saix."

"Let's try that again!" Axel said.

"I broke my leg," Lexeaus reminded.

"Oh yeah…Let's try that again!" Axel insisted.

"Music soothes the savage beast; why don't I—"

"The last time you tried playing for Saix, Demyx, you spent three weeks just trying to fish all the pieces of your sitar out of the lake, which, need I remind you, was made even more difficult as you were in a full body cast."

"Perhaps if I were to just sit down and talk to him?"

"Luxord, Saix doesn't _talk_. Saix hurts."

"Oh! I can—"

"No!" the men cut Larxene off, knowing that whatever she had in mind would involve leather straps and a whip, which would certainly not make Saix more manageable.

"Can't we mix the serum in his food instead?" Roxas wanted to know.

"Tried that. He smelled it and flipped the entire table and we all starved that night."

"I still think we should drop Lexeaus on him. That was fun!"

"Perhaps a more scientific approach is needed…"

"Yeah, Vexen. Good idea. Go lock yourself up in your basement for a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, we'll flee the castle and let Saix tear the whole damn place down."

"I think we should lay traps."

"I think we should sic a couple thousand Heartless on him until he's too exhausted to run."

"…I think _that_ might kill him."

"I think I'm in too much fear for my life to care about that right now."

"I think I should be the leader of this Organization."

Everyone blinked at Marluxia.

"Dude, what the heck does that have to do with anything?" Xigbar frowned.

"Hm? Oh, nothing. I just think I should be."

"…Right. Any other, _better_ ideas…?"

Vexen listened while the others tossed about ideas, some more ridiculous, others more suicidal, and a fair few too retarded to even work on paper. His only idea, which he knew everyone was secretly thinking as well, was that this whole thing was a bad idea.

"Why did I even wake up?" he sighed his second favourite phrase to himself.

Tbc…

* * *

Read & Review, please. 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Freaky Friday

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

* * *

Safety locks…check.

Important documents stowed away in fire-proof safes…check.

Delicate equipments out of harms way…check.

Safety room equipped with enough provisions to comfortably house him for up to three weeks…check.

Satisfied, Vexen sat down for a moment's rest, looking around his nearly bare laboratory, just in case he'd missed something in his ten paged check list. He'd stowed away everything in reinforced closets under locks and keys, barred the windows and nailed the furniture to the floor.

Hopefully, it would be enough to withstand the manic cyclone of destruction it might have to endure should things get out of hand. If it didn't, he would have to start from scratch. Again.

"Damned neophyte…" he grumbled, collecting the heavy bag of medical supplies as he headed for the door. "Nothing but trouble…useless…inexperienced…disrespectful fools…should have them all exterminated…fire spewing, tsunami loving, lighting wielding, flower sprouting, moon gazing, card playing hooligans! Disruptive miscreants…we are not here to baby-sit juvenile delinquents…"

And so on. He grumbled as he closed the lab doors behind him, griped as he locked, double locked and triple locked them, and cursed as he set up the icicle booby traps throughout the entire hall. The basement was secured.

Too bad the Superior continued to refuse Vexen permission to bar the Diviner from the entire castle. As if Saix would mind! So long he got his orders from their precious leader the berserker could care less where he was. Vexen was only looking out for the well-being of the others.

The Superior had had a good long laugh over that one.

"And he's still laughing now, somewhere far away, safe and sound while we are left to give his guard dog his shots…"

He entertained the idea of pulling a Xemnas (disappearing on them all), but he couldn't bear abandoning his laboratory, intact or not. So, with a heavy heart (figuratively speaking), he trudged up the stairs, hoping that one of the others had come up with a brilliant idea to either thoroughly incapacitate or kill the berserker: anything that would keep him still long enough to receive the crucial shots.

* * *

"Man, Saix's isn't gonna know what hit him!" Axel snickered, stretching out the last trip wire across the hallway.

Though he, Roxas and Demyx had claimed this hall as their battleground, the three had split up, each with an idea of their own. Axel's included wires, fire and lots and lots of flammable material.

"How's it going, Roxas?" he called up at his friend, who was busy with something high above him. Axel guessed it was some sort of net.

"Almost done," Roxas grunted, clasping the final touches here and there, balancing on the ceiling beams that also served to hide the greater part of his ambush. "Have you seen Demyx?"

"He took off a while ago. Something about water."

"Original," Roxas said, jumping down to land lightly.

"Watch it!" Axel said, ushering him away from the wire he'd been so painstakingly tying. "If you trip any of these we're done for."

"Axel…what's with the guillotines?"

"Don't worry. They're just there to distract him when the flamethrowers go off."

"…"

"What?"

"Hey guys!" Demyx shouted, running over and almost setting off Axel's elaborate trap. He would have done so inadvertently if the redhead hadn't tackle him to the side, shoving him up against the wall and away from the sensitive wires. "Ouch! Watch it! You almost spilled my trap."

"Yeah, well unless you wanted to be fried to…Spilled your—? _That's_ your trap?"

Demyx proudly held out his secret weapon, which had taken him two hours to put together: a bucket of water. His pride trickled away when his friends, after sharing puzzled looks, collapsed before him with laugher.

"Whoa! Look out, Saix!!" Axel guffawed. "He's got a bucket! Run for the hills!!"

"D-D-Demyx," Roxas gasped, trying to be nice, but every time he looked at the sorry excuse of a trap he started laughing. "W-What exactly i-i-i-is that sup-supposed to do??"

"Hahahahaha! And you were afraid that I was going to kill Saix, Roxas? Demyx here is probably gonna get him to kick the bucket! _Kick the bucket_, get it?!"

Demyx stood with his bucket, trying to keep a calm face though he was blushing furiously.

"You haven't even heard my plan yet," he objected to the treatment.

"Oh, oh, oh, sorry! I didn't think things could get any more entertaining," Axel panted, pushing himself up on his elbows. Tears were streaking down his tattooed cheeks.

Roxas couldn't talk yet, still trying to catch his breath.

"So…um…h-how does it work?" he asked, straining to be fair.

"It's saltwater," Demyx beamed.

"…"

"…"

Axel and Roxas just stared, not as impressed as he'd hoped they'd be.

"It's a bucket of saltwater…and?" Axel pressed.

"Well, saltwater has salt, which burns the eyes."

"…"

"…"

"You…" Roxas started slowly, trying to grasp what Demyx was implying. Next to him, Axel was already snickering at the thought. "You're going to walk up to Saix…and throw saltwater in his eyes?"

Demyx, sure they'd finally realized how great a plan it was, nodded.

The hall rang once more with peals of laugher.

"It'll work," he defended himself, but neither could hear him as they lay on the floor. Axel was pounding the tiles with a fist; Roxas was gripping his sides, rolling from side to side.

"Oh, man! Whew…G-Go tell the others!" Axel gasped.

"I will!" Demyx scowled, hugging his bucket to his chest tightly. "You two are just jealous!"

"Yeah, I'm green with envy!" Axel shouted after the Nocturne, too weak to even get to his knees. Once alone he turned his head towards Roxas, still grinning widely. "Can you believe that guy? Saltwater, ha!"

"It is a bit weird…but do you think we hurt his feelings?" Roxas asked, regaining control of himself now that the offensive trap was out of his sight.

"How can we? Nobodies don't have feelings."

"…True."

"Come on. I need to find fifteen suits of armour and my own trap will be completed."

Had it been anyone else, Roxas would have questioned why they'd need fifteen suits of armour. But this being Axel, Roxas just sighed tiredly as he got to his feet, brushing off his coat before being dragged along.

* * *

Hugging his bucket, Demyx shuffled up the stairs.

"It is too a good plan," he argued to no one in particular. "Those two are just too immature to see how great it really is. I bet everyone else will be excited to join my team."

"What team?" a critical voice asked.

"Vexen!" Demyx grinned. Here was the smartest of them all: someone who was definitely smart enough to appreciate his ingenious plan. "Wanna team up?"

The scientist's sour look didn't change as his eyes slid down to what Demyx held in his hands.

"This is not the time to do some mopping, IX."

Demyx's jaw dropped but Vexen just brushed past him, saying, "If you cannot take this seriously at least keep out of the way."

"I'm too taking it seriously!" he called to the blond, who merely waved a hand over a shoulder and vanished through a portal. Alone in the hall, Demyx fumed. "Everyone except you, Axel and Roxas will be excited to join my team!"

* * *

"We'll show him, my sweets…"

Larxene sulked on the ground, her chin resting in her palms as she watched her partner-in-crime push the large potted Venus flytrap behind the drapes, the 10th such plant he'd dragged in from his garden.

"Why do we have to go with _your_ idea?" Larxene whined, throwing herself back on her rear, much like a spoiled child who wasn't getting her way. Crossing her arms and legs, she sneered. "Why do we always have to do what you want to do?"

Scratching the monstrous green head, which purred like a doting kitten, Marluxia leered back at her.

"Because, you nympho, the last time we did what you wanted to do I ended up with rug burns on my elbows, green dye in my hair and an _I LOVE MY BOSS_ tattoo on my—"

"Hiya!"

The two turned in tandem to glare at Demyx, standing before them innocently with a bucket of water. Marluxia stood back, glare melting as he considered the contents of the bucket.

"Perfect. They were getting thirsty," he said, snatching the bucket from the Nocturne.

"Hey! What are you—NO! That's not for your plants!"

Just managing to grab the bucket before Marluxia could begin pouring out the water, Demyx held it to his chest tightly. Some of it splashed out, soaking the front of his coat.

"Saboteurs!" he accused the confused assassin.

"What's your problem?" Larxene demanded, getting to her feet and coming up to Marluxia's side, siding with him automatically. "Give him the bucket!"

"No!"

"Give. Us. The. Bucket."

Demyx looked around for an escape route, no longer feeling as confident. Larxene could bully him into doing anything, like the time she made him run into a highly important, very confidential meeting between the Superior, Xigbar and Saix, in his underwear, wearing a party hat and shouting "Girls rule!" as he ran circles around the confused trio until Saix had put a painful end to his humiliation.

"I…uh…It's my…Why do you…er…It's saltwater!"

How happy he was that he'd spent his recovery time with Lexaeus, who, being a master of all things earthy, had spent most of the time talking about growing stuff that had bored Demyx to tears. But, luckily, he remembered Lexaeus saying something about how lethal saltwater could be for certain plants.

His luck continued to hold as Marluxia scrunched his nose.

"Keep that away from my plants," he said, poking Demyx away with the pointy tip of his scythe. "Why are you carrying that thing around then?"

"You're supposed to be working out a way to subdue VII," Larxene said, hands on hips.

"So unless you're planning to throw that water in his face you'd better…"

"Or is that your…"

"…"

"…"

Demyx hurried away as the two put two and two together. He'd almost made it out of the room with his pride intact when Larxene's high peels of laugher assaulted his ears, quickly followed by Marluxia's deeper, ungraceful guffaws.

* * *

"Hey, Xaldin!"

"Go away."

"Bye, Xaldin!"

The Lancer went back to glowering behind the pillar. If Demyx wanted to walk around with a bucket of water as his only weapon then good on him. Xaldin was still working out his final calculations. Saix should be back any minute now; his timing had to be perfect.

* * *

All Zexion did when Demyx had finished explained his plan of attack was sigh deeply and returned to his book. Demyx turned to Lexaeus, hopeful that the silent but honest warrior would show any enthusiasm.

"Demyx," the big man started carefully, "about this plan of yours…"

"It's stupid," Zexion said bluntly, nose buried in the pages.

"Well, I don't see you with any sort of plan," Demyx said weakly.

He expected Zexion to correct him with an all-knowing stare and a speech of how he'd planned his strategy weeks ago and how, like any good riddle, it was right there, but hidden from the simple eye. Zexion, it seemed, couldn't do anything straightforward. The one time he'd been assigned to cooking duties he'd hid their meal and sent each of them on a wild goose chase of clues, rhetoric and puzzles. Some of them (Luxord and Saix) had managed to solve enough of it to enjoy a full meal. Others (Demyx and…well, just Demyx) had to make do with the single pack of crackers they'd earned by correctly connecting the dots on one of the earlier challenges.

Zexion had been relieved of kitchen duty immediately, and from the small smirk hidden behind his long bangs as he left the Superior's office, it was pretty obvious that that had been his intent all along.

So what ingenious plan did he have in store for Saix?

"We're going to keep away and let Saix sink into a false sense of security," he said, marking something on the page before moving on.

"…And?"

"And then…we do absolutely nothing about it."

"That's not a plan!" Demyx objected. "You're just dumping the work on the rest of us."

Zexion shrugged, making himself more comfortable in his chair by swinging his legs over its arm. Lexaeus returned to examining a clump of dirt he'd collected from another world, hunched over his table as he delicately chipped away at it.

Huffing at being dismissed, Demyx stomped out. Just before the door closed behind him, however, Zexion called out, "At least it's not a bucket of seawater!"

* * *

"…and they all laughed at me!"

Luxord gave him a careful look before returning to his cards, which he'd neatly spread across the table. Demyx couldn't figure out for the life of him what the other was doing, other than that it included flipping over cards at random.

"But why is, if I may ask, that you continue to seek others out to show your plan when a likely pattern of reaction has already been established?"

"I…Because it's a good idea. And you didn't laugh, so it can't be that stupid. They're all just being all ooooh-we're-better-than-you-because-our-servant-nobodies-aren't-pink-dancers. But whatcha think?"

"It's original," Luxord supposed, eyeing the bucket in Demyx's lap. "However, whether it's durable is…" In quick succession, the gambler randomly flipped over 13 cards: all hearts. "…unlikely."

"…at least you didn't laugh," Demyx insisted.

"No, I didn't," Luxord smiled. "Off you go now. And good luck."

He was good, Luxord, but even Demyx could hear the humour behind the considerate words. At least the gambler was enough of a gentleman to not laugh until Demyx was out of hearing range.

* * *

"…Ooooookay."

Demyx deflated.

Xigbar, who was usually anyone's last hope when they were trying to push a radical idea forward, was being anything but. Xigbar's life motto (for this week; he changed it more often than he changed his socks) was "I'll try everything once, then try it again if it doesn't kill me".

This was the guy who'd once thought it would be fun to play Dead Man's Roulette with an old land mine. This was the guy who'd thought it perfectly normal to sic a 40 ton dragon on an impoverished village in order to locate their target. This was the guy who had painted smiley faces on all of Larxene's panties, then strung them between the thrones in the meeting room. This was the guy who had eaten that unidentifiable, fuzzy thing at the back of the fridge that had tried to crawl its way off the plate.

But was he showing any enthusiasm in Demyx's plan? Nooooo.

"It will work," Demyx insisted, staring up at the upside-down face studying him critically.

"Let's walk this through, kid. You'll sneak up on Saix, even though you've perfected the art of stealth just as much as you've built up your confidence."

"Yup," Demyx said innocently, the mild insult going right over his head, though he wondered why Xigbar sighed at his answer.

"You know what, kid, maybe it's better if you just sit this one out."

"Oh come on, Xigbar! How about we team up, then? You do the sneaking, and I'll do the throwing."

"Even if you got an entire army to back you up, it's still a lame idea."

"Not if it was an entire army with buckets of water."

"So now you want to drown him? By the way, you're plan's leaking."

"What? Oh no!" Demyx cried when he saw the thin trickle of water escaping from the seem of the bucket. "Gotta go to Plan B!"

"You've got a Plan B?" Xigbar asked, calmly watching on as Demyx desperately tried to seal off the leak. "If it's anything like your Plan A I hope you've got a Plan C, D, E, F and G, just in case."

"No time to talk. See ya, Xigbar!"

Xigbar could only shake his head as the boy ran off, leaving a trail of water on the white floor. He could have pointed out to Demyx that he had control over water (he could will the liquid to remain in the bucket, or something), but hopefully the leak would keep the kid busy, and out of harm's way, while the rest of them took on the real challenge.

Peeking over the balcony, Xigbar saw the black bloom of a portal opening. His fingers tightened on his guns as a blue-haired being stepped out of the darkness.

"Let the games begin," Xigbar muttered to himself with a grimacing smile, and disappeared into thin air.

Tbc…

* * *

A/N: And so it began… Actually, the next chapter will be the final chapter, but Saix has finally appeared so things are about to get painful.

Read & Review, please.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Freaky Friday

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

* * *

The mission had gone well. 

He'd explored the world, gauged its resources, unlocked most of its secretes, gathered enough information to satisfy the Superior, and ripped apart enough people to fulfil his personal quota. After such a success, Saix was in a good mood as he walked up the floating causeway, the castle's front port looming over him. It was a welcoming sight, the glorious sight of the almost completed Kingdom Hearts hanging over the tranquil castle basking white under the dark—Hold on.

Saix stopped dead in his tracks.

The castle was _tranquil_?

None of the towers were damaged and/or missing. There were no obscene graffiti on the pristine walls. There were no glowing tendrils of spoke billowing up from shattered windows. There were no screams of promised deaths. There was no one trying to bomb him with water balloons. There were no random Pride Land animals running loose on the parapets, causing mayhem. There were no random Nobodies running loose and causing mayhem. Nothing random was running loose and causing mayhem.

Something was very wrong.

Either every single member was preoccupied with something of terrible importance, or they were all dead. While he wouldn't mind a thinning of the herd, there was no signs of a bloody battle, and he could still sense their presence through the thin link that bound them to their beings and cause.

The _only_ time they_ all_ worked together, besides during missions, was when it was…

Saix growled loudly.

Impossible. Was it that time of the month already? He'd only just had to beat a majority of the Organization to near death not too long ago, only to be nearly crushed by V's massive body, much to the delight of VIII and XI, who still held a grudge against Saix since the garden incident.

Looking around, he ascertained that he was still alone, but they had to be up to some elaborate scheming if they haven't tried to tackle him yet. Well, usually it was the dumber ones who tried to take him head-on. Keeping a very sharp eye out for any movement, Saix walked on as he ran through the groups he knew had formed and what their tactics might be.

IV, in his eyes, was the ultimate evildoer, but again, his role came at the end of the shenanigans. Saix would deal with him when the time came.

A major hazard (to Saix's patience) would be VIII, along with his lackeys, IX and XIII. Fire, water and common sense, the latter being the much needed element in the first two's effectiveness. Still, XIII was a rookie and while his influence had helped fine-tuned VIII and IX's traps, he still had a long way to go before he learned what it took to take Saix off guard. If anything, it would be the castle that suffered the most damaged from their combined efforts.

XI and XII were joined at the hips so he was going to have to keep an eye out for flora and the weather. Ever since the incident in the gardens XI in particular had been very aggressive in subsequent capture attempts, and Saix was always more than happy to return the ferocity. XII, on the other hand, was a bit of a concern. The Nymph was faster than any of them and her damn electric attacks could get him from the other side of the castle.

V and VI were not to be taken lightly. VI was their craftiest schemer, and V was their strongest member. It was only a matter of _if _they would pull themselves away from their precious hobbies to join in. While he'd played a major role in incapacitating Saix last time, V's actions had been accidental; he'd been on his way to tend to his garden (which he cultivated for scientific reasons, unlike XI sickening love for leaves and twigs), when he'd stumbled down the stairs, landing right on Saix, who'd been skilfully dodging VIII's fireballs. And as long as he did not get caught in one of VI's tangled web of riddles, Saix could easily evade the shorter man.

Then came the three who would attempt to take him down on their own, and on their own they proved to be far more skilled in battle, instincts and brainpower combined.

III wasn't a better fighter than him, but the Lancer had the powerful element of wind on his side and had once almost succeeded in pinning Saix down with storm-force gales.

Definitely the most treacherous would be their second-in-command, who held that rank for a very good reason. Not only was II a master of stealth and stalking, he had the best aim of them all, and he could strike from anywhere: floor, walls, ceiling or even midair.

And while it could never be estimated _where_ II would strike, it was tricky guessing _when_ X would attack: past, present or future. Throw in the lasting burdens that were paper cuts and the relative newcomer was as devious as II and III.

Standing before the entrance, Saix grinned as he went over the possibilities once more.

They were a deadly force to be reckoned with, but he had a counter measure that wouldn't make him an easy target. Inevitably, they'd combine their forces to restrain him. However Saix had a strong defence: his willpower. He knew that in the end it was a lost cause to fight them, but getting the shots was almost worth watching everyone else limp around for days, scared of their own shadows.

"Gentlemen, and lady, so be it," he all but cackled evilly as the massive doors opened. "Let the game begin…"

* * *

Xemnas prodded the burnt out armour with a toe, watching it further disintegrate into a small pile of ashes. The stench of burned tapestry, wood and flesh had greeted him back warmly when he'd entered the castle and now, standing in the midst of the scorched battlefield, he decided that it could have been worse. He studied what remained for clues, curious to figure out what this first attempt had been. 

He recognized Axel's handy work easily enough: everything was burnt. He also attributed the strewn remains of very sharp objects to the redhead's way of thinking. From the strange lines on the floor he finally determined that this disaster had been set off by Axel's favourite trick-wire ambush strategy.

The fire had destroyed much, and a great fight had destroyed everything that had managed to escape the fire, but he was impressed once he'd pieced together what Roxas' contribution had been: a strong steel net, weighed down by heavy cannonballs. It had been a logical step, but not a successful one. The 'invincible' net had been chewed through like string and some of the cannonballs had been hurled about with such force that they'd embedded themselves into the walls.

He was surprised to not find any puddles. Demyx, it seemed, had not worked together with the other two. Xemnas raised a brow at this and moved on to the next room.

It looked as if a botanical garden had exploded. Shredded plant life everywhere. A giant, eyeless head snapped weakly at his feet as he simply sidestepped it. All the windows had been shattered and every now and then a spark of electricity erupted from the steel, striking the still wriggling pieces of roots as they tried to crawl to the safety of the earth that had spilled out of the smashed flower pots.

Xemnas continued on the path of destruction, opening a door and quickly dodging the badly scratched giant die that rolled out. A badly shaken Gambler Nobody (which was saying something, considering the nature of the creatures) wobbled out past him as he walked through the otherwise untouched room. There was no permanent damage, but he was walking on a layer of discarded cards and dice of varying sizes.

A room further down was virtually untouched, if one didn't turn to the right where the entire wall had been blown clear off the rest of the building. Some of the columns had been knocked over like dominoes, those that still stood had the tell-tale scrapes and slashes of lances.

In the next room…

"Superior," Zexion greeted coolly, looking up from his book. Lexaeus was delicately slicing a pea pod open on a table nearby. "How was your trip to the Bastion?"

"Enlightening," Xemnas answered, not slowing down as he walked through. "We will discuss my findings during the meeting tomorrow."

"Fine."

Xemnas was hardly surprised and went on, in search of the rest. Along the way, which was an impressive distance, he found glowing purple bullet shards, dug deep into every solid enough surface. They came to an abrupt stop exactly where a fallen sniper gun lay before an expanse of wall that had a large X-shaped slash in it. Bits of black coat hung in tatters from the jagged edge.

So far the only living he'd encountered had been Zexion, Lexaeus and the remains of Marluxia's plants, but he was sure that the others were somewhere in the area.

Sure enough, as he neared the general vicinity of the kitchen, he heard the voices. Once at the door, he didn't enter immediately. He stared at the wood, listening in on the happenings on the other side. Though the damage had been done, the chaos still reigned.

"Hold him down! Hold him down!"

"Shit!"

"OW! That's it!"

"Larxene, restrain yourself—!"

_**ZAP**_

"Wha the hell! Stupid bitch!"

_**ZAP ZAP**_

"He's getting away!"

_**ZAP ZAP ZAP**_

"Will you give the shock therapy a rest?!"

Xemnas stood before the closed door, not as bemused as he supposed he ought to be. Too curious to wait any longer, he entered. It was hard at first to figure out the scene, but one thing became obvious in an instant: Saix wasn't there.

Larxene was fuming, glaring as Xaldin, who was caught in a corner, watching on warily as the electricity crackling over her fingers. Axel, his already shocking hair standing on ends, lay twitching on the floor, still suffering the aftershocks of Larxene's lightning attack. Roxas was kneeling next to the redhead, trying to determine if he was dead or not. Luxord and Marluxia were trying to reason with Larxene, from behind the safety of a heavy table. The only other person standing was Vexen, with a long suffering look on his face. Next to him was a table-turned-cot on which a heavily bandaged Xigbar was draped.

With the only exception of Vexen, every one of them had sustained a substantial amount of injuries: black eyes, cut lips, torn coats, twisted joints, broken bones, dark bruising, internal bleeding and chopped or ripped out hair.

"Sir," Vexen greeted Xemnas sourly as the tanned man joined him. "Did your mission go well?

"It did…" Xemnas couldn't hold it in any longer, the corners of his mouth twitching. "And how are things going here?"

"Larxene's nursing skills are nonexistent," Vexen concluded. "I put her in charge of bandaging Axel's wounds but when she grew frustrated with his fidgeting she decided to stun him into submission. So now I have two seriously injured patients to deal with."

The sound of their voices so close by stirred Xigbar.

"Man," he groaned, moving sluggishly. "Total wipe out…Did we get him…?"

"No," Vexen scowled. "He got away. I do not see why we have to suffer through this pain and humility, either. Xemnas," he spoke plainly to the man next to him, "just give him the order already! Some of us have far better things to do than chasing your favourite pet around the castle."

"Are you giving up already?" Xemnas asked with a smile. "Come now, Vexen. Put some effort into it."

"Why should we exhaust ourselves when you need only utter a few words?"

"…Think of it as good exercise."

"Dude," Xigbar said, painfully sitting up, "give us a break."

"If I do this now what's to stop you from running to me every time the situation gets a bit rough?" Xemnas continued to tease.

The mockery didn't stop there, though, because who else but Saix himself glided into the room at that exact moment. Those that had been bickering fell silent and some shrunk back, not yet ready to confront the Diviner again.

"Superior," he greeted Xemnas, with not so much as a scratch on him, "here is my report. I was going to leave it on your desk but seeing as you are here I thought it better to deliver it to you in person."

Xemnas was well aware of the eyes upon him but merely accepted the offered file with a smile.

"Thank you, Saix. There were no complications, I presume."

Giving them all a pointed look, Saix shook his head and smirked.

"No complications whatsoever, sir. It was a rather quiet day."

Vexen was turning as purple as Marluxia's eye, gritting his teeth and shaking as he glared at the Diviner.

"Sit down and take your shots," he snarled at the scarred man.

"No," Saix replied simply.

"As your superior, I order you!"

"I answer only to _the Superior_."

Xemnas was wise enough to hide his proud smile as he leafed through the report, leaving his old friend to battle it out verbally with his most faithful follower.

"Take your shots," Vexen demanded, trying again.

"No."

"Take your shots!"

"No."

"Take your shots…please."

"No."

"Take your shots or else!"

"Or else _what_?" Saix challenged, turning Vexen's own threat against him.

"Xemnas!" Vexen finally cried out, actually tugging at his long hair. "For the love of Kingdom hearts, just give him the order and end this insanity!"

They held their breaths when the Superior cast a look as Saix, who returned it calmly.

"You still have a few more hours," Xemnas determined.

Saix gave them all a smug look and they deflated, deeply mourning how long a few more hours were and how fresh and rosy Saix was looking, whereas they were dragging their sore, cut and burnt feet and struggling to see through their swollen eyes.

The door opened behind them, admitting in one lost-and-found Demyx, who looked the most surprise to see them, and even more surprised to find himself almost face-to-face with Saix. In his hand he held his Plan B (from where he lounged on the table, Xigbar snorted): a water balloon. Eyes crossed and still giving off sparks, Axel, leaning heavily on Roxas, managed a pitched giggle, then clutched his aching ribs and coughed.

Uncertainly coming forward, Demyx took in the pitiful group with wide eyes, eventually jumping slightly to find himself standing right next to Saix himself, who stared at him, perplexed as to what he'd been up to. The two just stood there, staring at each other in mutual surprise.

Demyx blinked once. Twice.

Then….

_**SPLASH**_

A second of silence, and an inhuman howl roared through the room as Saix fell to his knees, frantically rubbing at his eyes, the rest of him soaked and pieces of bright green balloon caught in his hair.

Xemnas took a step towards the incapacitated berserker but Xaldin, having pried himself out of the corner, was even quicker. With a cry he threw himself onto the Diviner, quickly followed by Luxord and Marluxia.

"Vexen, now!" someone was shouting as the scientist fumbled a moment before grabbing the heavy kit from the floor.

Xemnas stepped back as the rest swarmed in (even Xigbar flung himself off the table with a battle cry). Only Demyx did nothing. He was too stunned to move, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Xemnas had to snap his fingers in the Nocturne's face to snap him out of his stupor.

"It worked?" the boy whispered dumbly. "It worked…It worked! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!"

"I got his arm! I got his arm!"

"Vexen, hurry up!"

"Axel, Roxas, you guys were SO wrong! I told you guys it would work and it did! I knew it! I knew it!"

"OW!! He bit me!"

"Larxene, don't—!"

_**ZAAAAAAAAAAP**_

"I suppose it will do," Xemnas sighed, evading the stray bolts of lightning as he left the room, their cries of pain and Demyx's victory song growing fainter and fainter.

"We got him?" Zexion asked from his comfy chairs when Xemnas passed through their room once again, contently sipping from a steaming cup Lexaeus had provided for the both of them from somewhere.

"We got him" Xemnas confirmed, accepting the cup the Silent Hero held out to him. "Like I said, it was never a difficult task to begin with."

"The harder the riddle, the simpler its answer."

* * *

_**2 days later…**_

"Xemnas?"

"Yes?" he asked, turning as Vexen caught up with him just as he was about to retire for the night.

"Saix has disappeared. He hasn't been seen since the night I gave him the shots. I suspect he's gone off to lick his wounded pride but he should still be feeling the effects; he'd be in no state to protect himself from so much as a mouse."

"Worried?" Xemnas asked, surprised at the notion.

Vexen snorted and fold his arms, one of which was still slightly swollen and tender from where the Diviner had attempted to rip the skin off the bone in blind agony.

"I simply thought that you would want to know the current status of your loyal pet," he said plainly. "And that the others are still confined to their rooms, recovering. And please send Demyx away! He's been hanging around the lab all this time, bragging about how well his plan worked. It's distracting!"

"Do as you see fit," Xemnas said. "And Saix will return when he's ready, I'm sure."

Vexen stomped off, muttering beneath his breath.

Closing the door behind him, Xemnas chuckled as he slipped off his boots and coat and slipped into bed. He pulled the unusually complacent body lying buried beneath the sheets close to him.

"A long wait, but always worth it," he teased, earning a groggy but annoyed glare. "I'm looking forward to next month."

Too woozy to argue, or to even push the other away, Saix allowed himself to be cuddled, much to his smug lover's glee. The Diviner grumbled something as he buried his face in his pillow, unable to shake off the shots' effects.

"What was that?" Xemnas grinned, toying with a pointy ear.

"I hate water."

* * *

**The End**

* * *

A/N: Where the hell did the pairing come from??? XD I started this fic with absolutely no intent on slashing it, and yet by the end I just thought "HELLOOOO!! It's ME! Of course it must have a yaoi pairing!!" So sorry if it comes over as a bit sudden. But hey, Xemnas/Saix: what's to hate?! 

Saix's last words were a homage to Taz (Loony Tunes). Something about Saix just always reminds me of that loveable goofball.

Read & Review, please.


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